Episode 26: Conscious conception and creating space for new life
Continuing our fertility series on the podcast, this week we’re exploring a more intentional path to conception.
Because conception isn’t just about biology…
It’s also about connection, energy, and creating space for new life.
And while fertility tracking and supplements have their place, there’s a deeper, more intentional way to approach this journey.
In this episode, Dr Peta and Sam explore conscious conception, sharing how yogic and tantric philosophies offer a more holistic path to pregnancy.
They discuss the power of ritual, mindfulness, and body awareness to help you feel more aligned, present, and connected – both with yourself and your partner.
Whether you’re preparing to conceive now or simply want to deepen your relationship with your body and fertility, this conversation will give you a new perspective on what it means to truly welcome new life.
🎙️ Listen now to find out:
🍃 Why conscious conception is about creating space – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – before bringing a child into the world.
🍃 How stress, modern lifestyles, and rigid timelines can impact fertility – and why surrendering to the process matters.
🍃 The power of ritual in conception, from walking together in nature to setting intentions before intimacy.
🍃 How moon cycles, circadian rhythms, and the nervous system influence fertility and overall well-being.
🍃 The role of body connection practices – like self-massage, moonbathing, and breathwork – to foster deep trust in yourself and your journey.
🍃 A simple but beautiful ritual to honour and invite a soul into your life.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking a more intentional, connected, and holistic approach to conception.
Additional resources:
💻 Our online course, Unlocking the Power of Your Cycle is designed to help you deeply understand your menstrual cycle – so you can identify your most fertile days and support your body for a healthy conception.
🪷 More about Sam Lindsay-German and her healing work with women.
🧘♀️ Join Sam for Sadhana recorded live each weekday at 5am in The Calm Room.
We would love to hear from you.
If you have any questions about you’d like us to answer on a future episode of the podcast, please email them to hello@verawellness.com.au or contact us on Instagram @verawellness.com.au.
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Episode transcript:
E26: Conscious conception and creating space for new life
[00:00:00]
Peta: [00:01:00] Welcome to another episode of Women of the Well. Today we're going to be talking about something a little bit different. We've been on the fertility bandwagon for the last few episodes, but we wanted to take a step back and today do an episode about conscious conception and more of a tantric philosophy or yogic philosophy when it comes to bringing a new little life into the
Sam: world.
And one of the things that we were saying was it's, it's like a ritualistic approach. So it's not necessarily that we, or I want to say that this is attached to any one tradition or background, just kind of a mixture of ideas that come together to help us just be more in tune with our bodies and with nature.
And. Any of those things that we can do as we've discussed in many of the previous podcasts are going to help us To feel more connected and relaxed within our body, which is going to help our chances of conception.
Peta: Yeah, and I [00:02:00] think for not even just women who are struggling to conceive and is becoming very mechanistic and a lot of the the power is It's taken away, or there's a lot of stuff being done to you.
I think being able to step back, even if that's happening to a degree, but being able to bring in more ritual and space and mindfulness into that journey, I think probably makes for better success, and also makes it far more enjoyable to be doing along the way. It's not just the destination, it's also the journey.
Also, for women who haven't faced any of those problems yet, but they, because of our lifestyles, the way that they go about thinking about having a baby is all very much like. checklist. You know, I've been to the doctor, I've had all the tests that I needed to have done, I'm on my pregnancy multivitamin, I'm eating the right foods.
Now it's like day 14, [00:03:00] quick, or ovulation day, quick, let's have sex, and there's just no space or connection or mindfulness or magic around it. Um, so it's, it's for you as well if you're at that stage, because I just think like we all need more ritual in our lives and what could be a better time. to bring that in than when we're thinking about bringing a new life into
Sam: the world.
And I think as well, one of the big things is the, the building of connection with your partner through whether you're a man and female, whether you're female, female doesn't matter. You still want to build connection at this time. And we were talking about, we're going to talk about if you're on an IVF journey and how we can still be using the tools of conscious conception on that journey too.
It's not just. You know, the sort of male female coming together and having a baby. It can be used across all boards. And the reason that's going to help is because couples are going to feel closer. And if we have closeness, then I feel more
Peta: [00:04:00] able to conceive and our nervous system is in our like ventral vagal or our relaxed state where our hormones are functioning more optimally.
Our immune system is, you know, not on super high alert. It's just. It's just like relaxed, which is all going to enable ovulation to occur and implantation to occur more readily. Obviously, there, there hasn't been major scientific studies done on this, but that this just makes sense. And I think what's worth saying is that we often talk about being holistic and I think that is a.
Like a biological, psychosocial, but also, so it's like, our environment, what we're eating. Yes, there are, you know, our social circumstances, et cetera, but it's also the spiritual. And I think that often is really left out of that holistic framework. And I think that we are also at the heart of it and what we talk about a lot is spiritual creatures.
And that is the [00:05:00] idea of looking at ourselves as being spiritual. part of something larger and creating space for that spirit to come in. So yeah, this is what we want to talk about cultivating today along your fertility journey.
Sam: So the first thing that I would say is that most of the time, if someone was to come to me and say that they were thinking of conceiving, well, most of the time I noticed that people are trying to run a clock.
That's what I noticed. They've decided that it's going to happen at this point and So one of the first things I normally do is talk about how it would be good to throw a clock out the window, um, and that really our bodies don't work very well when they're given a I don't think women work well to deadlines.
I'm going to be honest. I think it's always causes us stress if there's a deadline. So the other thing is to think about, and I spoke about this with Alicia actually last week, and we've talked about it is the preparation of the, of the vessel. And that's something that I [00:06:00] would recommend, you know, I think we were talking with Alicia.
She might've said six months. I'm not sure, but I definitely say. You want to be thinking about three months of actually that preparation. And one of the main things that I talk about in that time is obviously the normal things of Yep, giving up alcohol, too much coffee, all those sort of things, sugar. But ultimately, it's recommending a sort of alkaline, gentle diet, which is in line with the Mediterranean diet, really, but probably from a bit more of an Ayurvedic stance, but it doesn't have to be.
And just alkaline in the idea that we're not having anything too acidic in the body, so that the body has a chance just to be in full health. I also think that's such a good thing to offer because it takes a little bit of commitment and a bit of changing life, which is part of getting ready for having a baby.
And I feel that a lot of the time we're not willing to make the space. Which we're going to have to have when we have a child. [00:07:00] So if we can start thinking, well, three months before I'm going to start making subtle shifts and including certain things and not be able to do certain things that I've done before in my life.
These are really good ways of preparing the body and the mind for this journey.
Peta: Yeah, and I think that's so true because so often I've had women who I think it's the first time in their lives that they realize that control is an illusion and they actually have no control over anything in their lives but all of a sudden because they've, you know, managed to do All the things that they've wanted, but then why isn't this happening on the time that they want it to happen?
So it is, it does take a great deal of surrender, but also like making space for this child beforehand. I, as well, have had lots of patients who were like, I don't want to come in. I can't come in for a scan two times a week in an IVF cycle. Like I can't fit that into my day. And I'm very clear about saying that I think that it's a really important part of the preparation, as [00:08:00] Sam has said.
to start making space for the child you want to bring in before. Because if you don't have time for two scans in that week, then, like, when your life is all about this child, you're going to really struggle. And I think that you would struggle more mentally with more, um, postpartum issues and things like that.
So That's a
Sam: hundred percent. And, and something I think it's important for us to address as a culture that you can't just bring a child into a life without making space for it. And therefore, if we think about that from a holistic point of view, yeah, the body will think there's not enough time, there's not enough space, there's not, you know, there's too much happening for me.
And that can be what I would call a subconscious thought. It's not something you're logically thinking, but it's something that there is in the back of your mind. If you're a very busy woman who also on top of the to do list is added and get pregnant. I can feel the pressure of that. So you like, there's no room.
There's no room for me. There's no room. That's right. [00:09:00] So I often will sit with women and talk about how I believe in my lovely little world that when a woman gets to a certain stage of life or she starts to feel an urge to have children. And sometimes that comes out of the blue. I think for some people they're thinking, I don't want a child.
I haven't wanted a family. And then all of a sudden. I do. Now we can easily, and I know that Peter would be able to sort of explain this in terms of hormones and why that might be happening in the surges that we have a bit later as we get closer to our thirties. But I also think, in my mind, that this is a time when we can say that there are souls waiting to drop in.
And so I often say to the woman, it might be that there are souls just sort of circling around you. Sort of checking you and your partner out and thinking, Ooh, they look like my people. They look like they can bring me the lessons that I want to learn as I go through this life. Because ultimately that's what we do for each other when we're in [00:10:00] such a close bond as mother child, father child and, um, it's a very profound relationship.
So, for me, it's about there's soul circling, waiting and They're waiting for you to be ready, and you're feeling sometimes their presence. Some women will talk about dreaming about a child. It's very common for that to happen. So that's a real indicator that their subconscious mind has dropped into being ready for a child to come in.
But we can also say from a spiritual, esoteric point of view that perhaps they are having visions, which I believe is It's very likely when, if we're connected to our body and if we're allowing ourselves to start to dream, which is a very important thing for us to do as women, not just get caught in the, you know, scientific aspects of everything, but understand that dreaming something is part of bringing things into being our imagination, our way of, I mean, I [00:11:00] know it's called so much of the time manifestation, and I think that's That's kind of taken away slightly, the magicalness of what it is because It's like expanding your conscious
Peta: field,
Sam: you know,
Peta: your fields of consciousness to bring in this new life or to open this new part of your life.
Sam: Yeah.
Peta: That's beautifully said.
Sam: Hmm. So I often talk about spending time calling a soul in during this three months when you're preparing your body. How would it be if you actually spent time just with your partner, consciously talking together about what it is that you want to bring into being as a family, maybe even considering what your values would be as a family.
And in that you're really opening. I see opening a sort of portal, opening the doorway to allow those souls to come in. You're saying, I'm ready in a And these are just practices you can just do. I [00:12:00] mean, they don't have to be done in any specific time. You can do it in the car, driving to work. But it would also be really lovely if you did make time to be with your partner and contemplate these ideas.
One of the things that we say is the best thing for a couple to do when they're thinking of conceiving and during pregnancy is walk together. So we recommend walking Well, a pregnant woman's meant to walk five miles a day, which would be I don't know what that is in kilometres, but a lot. But Here, you know, I just think going for a walk each day with your partner is a very, very beautiful way of grounding your relationship.
And being in nature and walking is very helpful. So walking hand in hand every day would be one of my, as well as the shift of the diet.
Peta: Yeah, and allowing yourselves to dream together and both of you in the act of walking in nature together, side by side, what that actually does, like at the scientific level for our nervous system is incredibly healing and incredibly effective at getting ourselves [00:13:00] into that ventral vagal state that's where our body works well.
Sam: Yeah, absolutely. So that could be done at any time of the day. I really like evening walks for couples. I think, um. If you don't have other children walking in the evening when you both get home, if that's possible, whatever really time that is, but even if it's at night walking around your neighborhood, um, it's a very good way of grounding yourselves before going to bed and just releasing the day.
Obviously, what we do know from a circadian rhythm point of view, which I think is really important when we come to conscious conception is getting back into the natural rhythms of the day. So seeing the sun first thing in the morning and Not through glass, actually seeing the sun and I know this is probably a little bit, but without sunglasses on and allowing your body to be exposed to the sun, whether that's just a little bit more
Peta: skin than normal.
I think at those points of the day, that is evening, early morning, I think that's really beneficial. And what's so interesting is [00:14:00] that for women who, who might be a little bit older, there is really good evidence and set in a lot of my IVF protocols. I will give women. Melatonin, there's some evidence that it can help with egg quality because it acts as an antioxidant, but I find it quite incredible that we give These supplements, but what we would, how we would really benefit the most probably is getting our body to make a pineal gland to make that melatonin naturally by, you know, having, uh, early morning sunshine, the, our eyes on the sunset in the evening, um, natural light and mid day to, if
Sam: you can get just even a 15 minute little moment outside in midday.
So that really, really helps with getting the body in tune so that it's producing optimum rates of melatonin. So we would try and recommend you do time in the morning. I mean, these can be, I often just say, cause I don't like things to be complicated, it gets too much. Just have your morning cup of tea, sitting outside, [00:15:00] standing on the grass, or sitting so that your feet can be on the grass, or cross legged on the grass, just facing towards the sun.
We just want the sun to really be hitting the forehead. It doesn't have to be like searing at the forehead. And also important to know, even if you can't see the sun, so if you live somewhere where it's not as sunny as we're lucky to have here in Queensland, there's still sun there. It's always there. So that's a good thing to do.
Peta: And it's sitting here listening to you talk about the like that connection stroll in the evening. It just makes me feel like it makes my nervous system feel like how beautiful would that be? But you think that so much of the time the opposite is true where people don't think they have enough time for that connection and instead their home.
They've got lots of artificial lights on in the house. They'll be on their phones or on screens staying up watching like some violent show or something and being inside in an office all day for many people. Like it's really so against how our bodies are supposed to be biologically [00:16:00] programmed, which is why having the being conscious about these things, and having some intentionality around taking these little steps could be so beneficial, not just for the journey of conception, but our overall health in general.
Sam: these are, these are actually, um, just to be very clear, because I really always think that this is important to note, what I'm saying about conscious conception isn't any different than The journey a woman has really going into menopause. It's kind of these conscious conception Ideas can be used the same so any stage of our life if we went for a walk with our Teenagers around the time that they're getting their first bleed imagine.
I don't know anyway It's just important evidence
Peta: about shift workers who you know do a lot of night shift Often have that lack of normal circadian rhythm, um, has a big effect on hormones and there's a higher incidence of irregular cycles, which means irregular ovulation, which definitely affects, obviously, conception.
[00:17:00] So, that's all.
Sam: My other, um, really lovely thing that I love to ask or invite women to do is to moonbathe. So, moonbathing are you?
I might have to pull you up with that.
Sam: Not, not today. Not until I'm allowed to do that. That'll be another episode. I'm sure a little bit of sun isn't going to hurt you on your Volvo, but
Peta: Yeah.
No. Anyway,
Sam: we won't go there today. What about, well, you could do that with the moon. It wouldn't hurt it at all. And No, absolutely not. But ultimately, really, moonbathing, the idea of moonbathing is, again, to have as much of your body exposed to the moonlight, because women are much more connected to the moon than we perhaps have remembered.
We've just forgotten, but when we all, you know, I think nowadays women are talking about the moon quite a lot, but if you can start to become familiar. With the phase of the moon and start to really follow not just that in terms of your cycle, but in [00:18:00] terms of being connected to nature around the cycle of the moon.
That's a real game changer for the way that your body is going to adapt and improve its natural circadian rhythm, especially as a woman. And I'm sure there's no science about it, but
Peta: there actually have been studies on looking at the women in cities where the moon is kind of blocked out, moonlight is blocked out by lights and pollution and smog compared to women in clear country areas and regularity of cycles.
And I think it might have shown that women who have exposure to moonlight. More readily do have more regular cycles. I'll double check and we'll correct it at the end of this episode if that's not correct. But I think that that's a thing.
Sam: Well, I feel like it really could be. And the thing I always say to most of my clients and students is, you know, you can be your own scientist, like test it.
If it doesn't work, don't do it anymore. But if after a month of doing this, spending 10 or 15 minutes, just sitting outside in your garden or wherever you can [00:19:00] find the moon. If that doesn't make you feel better, don't do it anymore. It's likely that it's going to make you feel better and you'll start to have an understanding of the cycle of the moon and then your own cycle.
And just to stand underneath the full moon and feel the energy at the That time of the month is hugely powerful and once you start to just tap into that by slowing everything down a bit I mean imagine taking a moonlit walk with your partner on a full moon I just think and then going home to have wild passionate sex I mean really.
Oh having it under the light of the moon. Perfect absolutely
Peta: take a rug with you. I know someone who consciously conceived in that.
Sam: That's right.
Peta: Setting. Yeah.
Sam: Yeah. So, things that I really recommend are obviously getting exercise. And it's different to, I don't know, it's not this particular program, but starting to do regular exercise that makes you feel good.
Whatever that is for you. So it could be [00:20:00] yoga, which obviously is my recommendation to find a yoga that suits you because it's so good for helping you get into the rhythm and just moving the body. And those types of things, but if for you that's too much, just, you know, starting Pilates is just as good.
It works really well on the breath and any form of exercise does. Walking as well, anything really. Anything where you're moving physically. Dancing, absolutely.
Peta: Yeah,
Sam: ecstatic dance. Anything that moves the body is going to help you process and move somatically anything out of the body that we don't want.
So during that time we're actually using it as a sort of processing and a sort of Clearing the body of anything that's kind of in the way, and that's, they're very good things. We don't really want to do anything overly vigorous, I think. There's, you know, it's not a great time to start a massive strength program.
But sweating, we do feel that sweating every day is a good thing. You can sweat by dancing. It doesn't have to be like dripping sweat, just that feeling of [00:21:00] heat coming is a very good thing for releasing and sort of just cleansing the body. One of the things we recommend yogically is to do A douche with natural yoghurt.
So, this can be done because in theory that's going to help prepare the vagina and improve on the good bacteria that is there. But there are a few challenges with that so one of the things is This day and age, it's quite hard to get really good yoghurt that you can use for that. And what do you think?
Peta: I think I'm generally of the school of thought, if there's no issues, your vagina's very wise and knows what it's doing and its microbiome is far more, uh, intelligent than we are, so we try not to micromanage it.
But in saying that, it's so funny, it's like everything that we talk about in Ayurveda or yogic philosophy. You hear these things, but then like thousands of years later now, like where the vaginal microbiome is [00:22:00] probably an evolving field, just like the gut microbiome, where we're understanding the importance of it for all kinds of aspects of health.
And we do know that there seems to be a correlation between women who have a healthy vaginal microbiome that is high or rich in a particular bacteria called lactobacillus, which is what is. Interestingly found in yogurt, and women who have lower levels of that often tend to have, you know, higher levels of opportunistic bacteria that can be associated with lower pregnancy rates, higher miscarriage rates, and things like that, because it may also extend, obviously, there's the vaginal microbiome, and then there's the uterine microbiome, and there's been a whole, like, thing of, like, expensive testing to test the uterine microbiome and then offer intervention, which would be probiotics and sometimes even plus prebiotics to help the good bacteria that you're introducing to grow To improve [00:23:00] that environment to improve the pregnancy rate.
So there's it's definitely rooted in It's ancient wisdom. That's like we're seeing now in our kind of modern medicine. So it's not ridiculous at all, but I would say there's, there's, you know, maybe a space for it, but if everything's seeming okay, I would probably leave things. As they are.
Sam: Yeah. The recommendation Ayurvedically is that when do you do it?
When, yeah, that's what I was just gonna say. So the last day when your bleed stops mm-hmm . You would, a woman takes the douche four days before and three days after the menstruation. Oh yeah. So she sort of just does it for that little period before menstruation. Yeah. So she knew. Her cycle was she could do that for a few days before and then she would do that for Those sort of three days after it's not all the time
Peta: Yes, I think that that's probably you know, not going to do any harm and like We're using probiotics more and more and more generally.
Sam: and it's not, definitely not, you know, using, [00:24:00] you know, vanilla flavoured yoghurt. Yoghurt. That's really important. Unless you're using it for something else, and then that would be fine.
Peta: Yeah, so. And it can be messy, slightly, I would say. Well, that's the
Sam: next thing, because the other recommendation is that you have a yoghurt bath once a week, and you massage your body with homemade yoghurt.
So, I thought, you know, this is the whole thing, it's really got to be that. really good quality stuff. But the idea of this is just really, and it's, it says that you sit in an empty bath and massage your entire body with the yogurt for an hour.
Peta: Now, it's very lovely actually. Well,
Sam: and the thing is about these things and all Ayurvedic practices actually, is it's time spent loving yourself and doing something for yourself.
So I have a slight thing about milk and I'm not entirely sure I would like to smear myself in yogurt and sit in it for an hour, especially not in the heat of Queensland, but, but saying that I feel like the point is if I was giving myself an hour to do this, it would be [00:25:00] amazing. It says massage the scalp, the face, the body, and you can even douche with the yogurt and then soak in a bathtub of hot water for 31 minutes and with a warm shower and wash your hair.
If possible, let your hair dry in the sunlight. All the waste and poisons of your body
Peta: will be removed. See, that sounds very
Sam: lovely. Just doing this ritual once a month. It sort of is a new concept. My daughters do something called an all in shower. I don't know if anyone, I'm sure some of you will have heard of this.
It's where An all in shower is where you do everything. We probably haven't done one of these for a while, but you would like wash your hair, scrub your body, shave your legs. You do everything that you want. I don't know. Face mask, hair mask. It's all in. So you spend a couple of hours in your shower room.
Because you have that time.
Peta: Yes.
Sam: So what I'm saying is that's a beautiful thing to be doing in our maiden years and of course it's even better to be giving ourselves that time as we're moving into our mothering years. Especially because you won't have that time. That's right. [00:26:00] So again, I just say how good would this practice be moving into our menopause years?
So, once a month. I'm not saying do it every week. You could if you wanted to. And it doesn't have
Peta: to be yogurt.
Sam: No.
Peta: I'm going to start saying yogurt soon. Oh, sorry. Because of the way you say yogurt.
Sam: I forget that.
Peta: I hope you all know what I'm talking about. Yes. So,
Sam: that's one of those things.
Peta: But medically, I don't think that's going to do any dangers, if it appeals
Sam: to you.
Or find something that you can do. Even Ayurvedic, we do talk about massage with oil too. So, you could do this with a body oil and you can find oils. Almond, sweet almond oil is a great oil. Very good, mostly, most doshas suited to it. You can warm the oil, but I just feel like where we are right now, you don't need to, generally.
And if you're in a nice, warm bathroom, you can sort of do that as well. So, you could do the same thing with oil, but we're not recommending the douche with the oil, but just like rubbing your whole body, and that brings me on to this next practice, which is the practice of, [00:27:00] I'm not going to do it on the camera, but, my temptation to do it, massaging one's breasts, which is a great thing to do, and to, to do.
When we're sort of preparing our body for pregnancy, it's also a great thing to do whilst you're pregnant and whilst you're breastfeeding. So you may as well start getting used to just making your body feel happy and loved. I think massaging our tummy and our breasts can be some of the most kind and gentle things we can do for ourselves.
Peta: And I think because those are two parts of our body that we're often Very disconnected from because I think we think about them like it's very much people looking at you and like are they Okay to be looked at almost rather than a part of you. That's for your own pleasure and sensuality And you feel like there's a lot of external judgment about those two areas.
And so I just think that practice is just so amazing for not even just for conception but just for self [00:28:00] connection.
Sam: And I think if you've had a journey of challenges with your body and you have been on a journey of struggling about body image then this is a really good time to start to address that by starting to realize that your body is It's a vessel that is going to hold your baby and this is a time to love it because it's going to do this wonderful thing for you.
And so if we're actually not loving our body, if we're thinking, Oh, my body's horrid or my body's, you know, gross, which gosh, I have spent enough years of my life doing those words on our body are going to be creating an environment and that body might just be thinking. Well, maybe I'm not up to it, you know, so we want to be loving it and I often show women a technique that is sort of called a Mayan sort of tummy massage that I was taught sort of passed down to me on one of my conscious conception, um, yoga courses and I have actually taught it to Brooke here so that she can do it with some of her patients is very [00:29:00] gentle, but really nice and you can do it yourself.
And it's something that you can do to sort of just help really just connect to your body. Okay. Many women struggle to even touch their tummies, I find, so I love to give them a routine to do rather than just rub your tummy, but if there's something you're doing it tends to help the process. And um, and that can be a very good thing to start doing.
Peta: And it would also help for pain as well, for
Sam: women
Peta: with pain.
Sam: Maybe you can, I can teach you to teach people on the pain course and then you can do that. It's such a beautiful, simple ritual to do.
Peta: And I think the other thing is, like getting used to, or if you haven't felt connected to your body before, like again, spending this time with your body.
And like revering it for what it is now, what it's becoming and like getting used to the fact that things will change because I think as well, a lot of women are fearful in this environment that we live in about any changes in their bodies or well, [00:30:00] especially like pregnancy, our bodies change so, so, so much.
And then. They can become very disconnected to their bodies either during pregnancy or afterwards when they won't look different. Very likely look different to what they looked like before having children. And I think having that connection with your body that's more than about what it looks like. Like loving it for what it is in each moment and creating these rituals where you're bringing yourself into the present moment with your body is going to help you to Go along that journey and to love your belly when you've had your baby, and then you've got, you know, a few little stretch marks.
Yeah, or a little bit of a hernia, or or what whatever the changes are. You know, I have scars on my tummy. And it's not just, I think that, I think that hating yourself, your body, I think that creates a massive disconnect, which does lead to problems. I see this all the time with pain, um, with problems with being intimate with, with [00:31:00] someone's partner.
Not only do they, they just can't connect to their own bodies. So of course you can't connect and be intimate with somebody else if you're in a state of holding. And that's. your tummy, your breasts, your vulva, all of those areas. So I think this is so, so important for this time of our lives, but just generally all throughout.
Sam: Absolutely. And if we're thinking about it from a conception point of view, if you're holding, if you're feeling that you're holding back from your partner, cause you're fearful of what they might be thinking about your body, then that means that you're not fully open to receiving them. And one of the things that I often talk about is that when we have Conscious conception sex, when we're actually having sex to consciously conceive, we want to allow ourselves to be fully open to our partner.
And present. And present and able to receive. And that requires a deep state of trust. So these practices are all building that and helping you to feel safer and more happy in your [00:32:00] body is going to really support that.
Peta: And it is, it does make a big difference, I think, because like Paula, who some of you'll know and you and Paula, your body oil people, and I was doing yoga one day with these guys and I was like probably looking at my scaly legs that I had not paid attention to.
'cause I was in a rush and I was admiring their beautiful, luscious skin. And I said, do you guys. Massage with oil every day and they were like, yeah, and so then I started to do it and just even the act of doing it is like slowing down, appreciating yourself, giving yourself that time and then weirdly like your whole perception of yourself when you're got new clothes on and you're putting oil on your body.
You feel somehow more connected and more attractive anyway, like it's quite sensual.
Sam: Yeah, and it really, and you get used to them. Touch, I mean, let's just think about it. We don't get enough touch really in our world because we're, you know, a bit disconnected. So we can touch [00:33:00] ourselves and still feel that loving touch.
Especially if we are thinking loving thoughts as we do it. Like, I love that idea of just saying, you know, thank you arms. Thank you tummy. Thank you body. Thank you legs. Gosh, I'm sorry that I put you through what I did yesterday or whatever it is You know, there's a simple acts of just finding gratitude for your body by Massaging it.
I feel like we do a lot of thinking I should go for a massage But you can give yourself a good massage and it's it can be really cheap you just buy sweet almond oil if you don't want to get anything else and I think it's a Sweet almond oil is brilliant. You can add your own essential oils if you want to, but it's a great way of cheaply having a good oil.
You don't have to buy a super duper
Peta: one. And then when you get used to then seeing yourself, you become much more comfortable, I think, with your Self whatever like with your stretch marks or with your cellulite or whatever it all becomes part of you And it's not like you've cloistered yourself away and avoiding it because that avoidance I think Perpetuates [00:34:00] fear and disconnection.
Yeah, so it's like a really beautiful practice.
Sam: Yeah, it's a nice thing to do And the other reason massaging the belly is really good is because the importance of making sure that we're eliminating each day So from a yogic point of view that's A school of thought that says a woman's food should leave her body in no more than 18 hours.
A man's food should leave his body in no more than 24. And it says that sicknesses and mental problems occur in a person who eats, and does not eliminate properly. And also, this is really important as well, and I really believe this. Like, not having sex on a full stomach, that is just not good. Going out for dinner before sex.
I actually say that to Ian sometimes, although I'm not sure if I say it. I say the same thing. I'm like, this is very honest and open, but I'm like, we're probably not going to have sex tonight. Or do it first. Exactly. Because I don't want to have sex after I've eaten. So I Everyone's much
Peta: more relaxed.
Sam: Yeah, you know, it's so interesting.
[00:35:00] Anyway, yeah, because you haven't got that expectation. But it's not good to eat and then have sex. And it says wait at least two hours after eating. So that's one of those things. But I feel It just allows for that idea, in tantric sex, we really encourage the idea that you would plan when you're going to have sex, it's not that you're just gonna, you can obviously have like those moments, you know, when you suddenly have a quickie, but it's actually about saying So, um, my window of fertility is going to be here.
It would be lovely if we could have sex on this day. And then you actually plan for that day. And in the days before, your partner is sort of wooing you. So there's a bit of anticipation, um, and a bit of excitement about it. And so when it actually gets to the act of being together, you're both Already a bit excited, which I think is lovely.
And we don't do that very much in our world. One of the things is it could be seen as a bit boring to sort of have it marked on a calendar, but you can see how actually it could, [00:36:00] if you knew on the calendar, when you were sort of going to be having these intimate moments with your partner, it kind of can create a sort of excitement around it.
Peta: It's true though, because if you think about it, like we always think that planning sex is. But like, I don't know, people who are having an affair, they have to plan this. It's true. And that's very exciting because there's the anticipation and whatever. So maybe think about it like that.
Sam: Yeah, that's true. I like that.
So, so yeah. So I feel like these are some of the main sort of areas that I would be promoting. Yeah. Getting into that walk in the fresh air, spending time alone every day. That's a big thing for, I think, women sort of taking time to be on your own and just really feeling into. the stage of life that you're at and the fact that you are going to be preparing to move from your maiden journey into motherhood.
So, the shift of that is that once you become a mother, you will always think about this child. [00:37:00] That's not a bad thing, this is a wonderful thing, but it's a shift. And so it's really nice to really spend some time enjoying that you can be a maiden and be a bit more. Frivolous and free and not worry about a child not worry about anything being completely dependent on you So I I don't know if we talk about that enough in our society, but it's a preparation Sometimes women are just completely ready.
But sometimes I'm not sure they've really thought about it.
Peta: I feel like those maiden years I don't know whether sometimes because of the pace of life and The sometimes I have people who come and see me and they're in that time And they'll be like, oh, I have no time to do any of these things. And I think, but you've got no children.
And like, you can do anything you want. And I think it's a problem that the pressures of society and the things that people should be doing have almost taken that from women, that period of time. So they don't even then think, it's not even something that they even [00:38:00] maybe have experienced. Or consciously experienced.
Sam: It's a time to reevaluate your values. What are your values? Um, in terms of preparing for pregnancy. And that's, that's where it is because once you can see that your value is I want to start honoring my body and doing these things, then you're going to have to adjust your boundaries to allow for that to come in.
So it's, it's a re evaluation and that's part of the process of making the space for something to come in. So decluttering your home would be a wonderful thing to do. Decluttering is a wonderful way of clearing the mind and the body. So thinking, yeah, I'm going to declutter. I'm going to start clearing things out that are no longer necessary and are causing me extra hassle so that I can have some more space.
And whilst you're doing that, one of the other recommendations is to sing a song or a mantra from your heart for at least five minutes a day. Can it be anything? Anything. You could sing, like, a spiritual song, or you could sing your favorite. Really be aware of lyrics of songs. I think [00:39:00] sometimes we can have some not great lyrics, but if there was something that you just love that always makes you feel happy, just singing at the top of your voice.
We know that's good for the vagus nerve, so that makes total. Whether you're chanting mantra or singing is going to have an effect on the vagus nerve and if the vagus nerve is being Looked after in that way of singing five minutes each day. That's going to have a beautiful effect on the body
Peta: Yep, and remembering that anything that helps to promote a healthy flexible Safe nervous system underpins general health and then fertility in a huge huge way.
So like I just, it blows me away to think that these kinds of practices, we might think of like, you might be listening to this thinking, Oh my God, they're telling us to have a good bath and slather ourselves with oil and moonlight bathe and sing songs and whatever. But they are all proven ways that stimulate the vagus nerve, which reduce inflammatory markers, which relax our muscles, which help with our digestion, which help [00:40:00] with our gut microbiome, which help with our hormonal function.
Scientifically proven and they are fun and they're free.
Sam: This is the other
Peta: thing that
Sam: I get. This is all free. So Why would we not try this and experience this? And if we think about it back in the days when we were all gathering together, we would have gone down to the river to do our washing and we would have been singing and chanting and chatting or whatever we were doing.
We would have done these things naturally. We'd have been outside. We'd have, you know, so it is just getting back more to a natural
Peta: rhythm. And as you've said, creating a life. That is safe and that you don't have to nervous system practice your way out of because it's just inbuilt. And when we think then about if you're coming in to pregnancy like that and we think about if your nervous system is calm and safe and you've set up support and you've made room, then that parenting journey, uh, is going to be far easier.[00:41:00]
Well, easier probably isn't the word, but you're setting yourself up to to be able to cope with the inevitable stresses that come and then and have been robbed yes, and then be more conscious with your child and then That child is going to grow up with a more regulated nervous system. And essentially, like, all of the work that I do around, say, chronic pain and chronic disease, like, a lot of it is about the things that we experience as a child and the, like, we're all going to have stresses, but it's how, it's whether we have repair, it's whether we have someone we can go to.
Two people can have the same horrible traumatic experience, and someone who's had someone attuned to their needs. And be there for them isn't going to experience long lasting trauma that can affect their physical health and their mental health. But someone who doesn't have that person to do that, will.
Sam: I think what's important to know is you can be your person. And that's what we miss a lot of the time, but you can be your person. You become your person by [00:42:00] making space for yourself and understanding that these types of rituals and practices really will heal. You know your experiences of life and the more healing that you can do And this is something that I had that aha moment with alicia last week The more that you can do to heal yourself as you come into your pregnancy journey You know the the better quality of egg you're Child is going to have moving on so it's like
Peta: such a powerful shift and then looking at epigenetics I don't know if she spoke about this but like actually Experiencing stress there have been all kinds of studies on women who have been in really extreme I guess they have to, uh, like, you know, a hurricane or a natural disaster or something or a war.
And they find that the children that are born to women who've experienced that during their pregnancy are much more prone to diseases. Adult onset diseases later in life because that [00:43:00] period of stress switches on and off genes, which is what epigenetics means which then might make them more predisposed to high blood pressure or diabetes or heart disease or polycystic ovarian syndrome or whatever later in life so this is why we're always going on about the nervous system because it has it it changes our biology and The biology of the child that we're carrying.
It's like so
Sam: profound And that's not to say that if you were unfortunate enough to go through stress when you were pregnant that You know that that you've done anything to damage that child and we also know that Circumstance and things that we can do in our lives can change that So if we are someone that was our parents went through some struggles when they were conceiving us We can also choose to make these changes and help ourselves to change the outcome That is also very important to know.
Peta: Yeah, genes are switched on and switched off depending on the environment and the environment can always change and awareness is always the first, the first step. And this [00:44:00] podcast is just to give you a different perspective for those of you who are about to embark on this. And if you're listening to it, like I listen to podcasts all the time, which talks about, you know, we were, we were talking about a podcast last week that we both and Thea listened to about.
Parenting and being around for our kids when they were very little and we listened to it and we were like, oh my god Yes, that makes so much sense But then was filled with guilt about not having done that in those times But the point is not to make you feel guilty or wish that you'd done something differently But that change can happen at any point along the journey and we're dynamic Creatures and our biology is dynamic and we can we can make changes at any time
Sam: and I was always taught to just accept that We are shown what we need to know when we're ready.
And sometimes we're not actually ready. And sometimes we are creating a certain path for ourselves and for others. And so we change when we know. And we don't have to beat ourselves up when we didn't know before. That's [00:45:00] right. As long as we can really go right. Yeah, I'm going to make those shifts. So yeah, that other thing that I just want to touch on, which I think is a bit, well, this, which might, we may have to do in a different episode at some point, or we can just talk about this at some other point, but it's just addressing any fears, you know?
Yeah. It's like we can have inbuilt fears around pregnancy and what it means for us to get pregnant in terms of maybe we've experienced, um, someone having a traumatic. Or maybe our mother had a traumatic birth. And so it's good to just sit around even the fear of, I think this is a big thing, discussing finances with your partner, fear of how will we cope?
Where will we live? How are we? These are things that create quite a lot of subconscious. Barricades, who will I be? Who will I be? What will I be when I'm, if I can't go to work, you know, all those things are natural fears. And this is the time in that preconception that consciously taking time to be with yourself and think [00:46:00] these are the fears I have.
And if there are things that you can't. Actually work with yourself. Find someone to go and talk to about them. Whether that is a trusted friend, or whether you go and see a professional. Find someone you can go and just work them through. Work them through with your partner. Don't be afraid to say, look, I don't know how we're going to split the household chores.
Clear those things up now. It's way easier than trying to do it after you've had a baby or even when you're pregnant. So, I think I think we will shy away from that stuff because we don't want to go into the negative, but it's not negative. They're things that you really need to resolve and become clear about.
Peta: Yeah, I think that's so, so true because then you can actually have scaffolding in place, which is going to help you so much with your coping and feeling of support later. I mean, I, when I had my baby, I didn't talk about that with my husband. And. I like worried the whole time thinking. Oh, no, like I've got these things [00:47:00] coming out of my account Then I won't be having an income and what will I do?
And of course like when I said this to him, he was like, well, that's fine Just tell me what money you need for that. And of course, that's just a thing that we share but I held on to that because I was like Very, you know independent and wasn't used to having I guess that real surrender and trust with them with a partner That it was something that worried me up until then
Sam: this day and age where women have become so independent It's very hard for us to think for what will I do if I'm not earning what I was earning I, I think that's a very valid fear to have because we've been used to becoming independent and doing things on our own, not needing to ask, Oh, could I possibly go and get this?
It makes us feel weak in some way. And actually it's because we need to start valuing what we're doing in becoming a mother, valuing our bodies, like our body is doing a job. And that is not something that should be taken lightly. So [00:48:00] it's really about. Uh, reframing the way we see our journey into motherhood and motherhood because and.
Our whole journey as a woman, because if we could actually start to go, wow, I'm a woman, I am going to prepare my body to conceive and then conceive and grow a baby, birth a baby. We can't help but be in awe of ourselves.
Peta: Totally. And have awe of the fact that even when your baby is born and you did nothing all day except for feed him or her, and provide shelter and comfort and love to this child, that is a Like that is incredibly awe inspiring in itself and like a 24 hour a day job and you're in partnership with whomever you've decided to do that.
And if you're someone who is doing that, doing it on your own as well, like I don't believe that doing it on our own is something we should, as in if you ask a woman who's choosing to use donor sperm or anything like that. [00:49:00] Absolutely, that's wonderful, but bring in a support network to help you throughout.
Have your village. Yeah, have your village, because we can't do it alone in that sense. We can't
Sam: do life alone, let alone pregnancy. Yeah. So, to close, if you are wanting to do a conscious conception journey, my little ritual, which I'll just say briefly here, and then you can take it and do what you want to actually conceive, would go a bit like this.
You'll have done your three months of preparation, and then you would have thought, this is the month. And so, maybe it is on the full moon, if that's where you're Period aligns to or maybe it's whenever it is and on the day whether it's day or night that you decide that you want to come together You will prepare your room so that it's sort of beautiful little shrine ready for you to be intimate with your partner and you'll have been wooing each other for the few days before maybe and then what you'll do is come together and You'll talk about what it is that you're calling in be aware of the fact that you want to call [00:50:00] in this beautiful soul you might Say a few words if that's something that you feel that you could do.
Some women feel that their husband's not open to it and I know they do it themselves without saying it to their husband. And that can be fine too, but most husbands seem to be okay because they're about to have sex. Don't say anything. Um, and then what we would do is the practice that I talked about before where we would sit and do alternate nostril breathing together.
There's a lot of evidence to say that if we're breathing correctly, breathing properly, breathing with each other, we're coming into rhythm with each other. So we can be just sitting, looking at each other, naked or wearing clothes if you want to, doing your alternate nostril breathing, just bringing that calmness into your practice.
And then maybe after that, we would say you would touch all the moon centers, which I can maybe share with you, the moon centers as a little ritual. It's like the husband doing a little massage on these specific areas of the body. Then after that was done, you can go through your, you might not be able to wait that long, but if you can, then you [00:51:00] can have your act of receiving your husband and enjoying that encounter.
And I think joy, you know, allowing yourself to feel open. I feel that it's a wonderful practice to really contemplate and. Hopefully I'm allowed to talk about this on here, but I'm sure I am, that, you know, when you're receiving your man, you're going to feel the partner and there's a different variation for IVF, which I can share at a later date, but you want to feel like you're really allowing them to move with you and feel that rhythm of the movement with each other.
And then when he ejaculates, what can be really good is if the woman can, if it's possible, orgasm after, because then what we're doing is kind of really. Drawing in the sperm. So in my mind, that's a really Beautiful way of imagining that the vagina, um, and cervix are just sort of pulsing that sperm in, and so that the egg and the sperm can meet.
And then after you've, um, finished, it's laying down, and I always say, because it's just a funny thing, I have to, you know, [00:52:00] put your legs up the wall, because in my mind it's like, well, that's going to, um, support that. It's also very
Peta: good for the nervous system.
Sam: Yeah, exactly. So rest, put your legs up the wall, lay next to each other, maybe your partner will lay with his head next to you and be rubbing your tummy, and just Just talk about what you've just done and what you're doing and just be there for a few minutes and then
Peta: Yeah,
Sam: carry on with your day, but I think it's just it doesn't have to be like that But that's one of the rituals I recommend and it's just an act of Being together, being conscious, making the act of your conception a ritual and not making it a chore.
Peta: And fostering really deep connection with your partner as well. And for so many couples who, I think that connection can fray a little bit during a conception journey, especially if it's taking a long time. So if you are someone that's taking a long time, and this is really new to you, maybe this is the time to bring that deep level of [00:53:00] connection in regardless of what else you're doing for fertility because at the end of the day the strength of your partnership is really important here too.
That was wonderful, Sam. That makes me think that, like, it was just so beautiful. I feel like I want to have another child just for the yoghurt baths.
Anyway, thank you so much, and I hope that you guys found this useful, and we will see you next time on Women of the Well.
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DISCLAIMER:
This podcast is for information and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
